1. A professor of Contract Law ask one of his student,
""If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?""
The student replied, ""Here is an orange.""
The professor was outraged. ""No! No! Think like a lawyer!""
Finally the professor replied, ""Okay, I tell you.
""I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, title, claim and advantages of and in, a fruit, popularly known as orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, notwithstanding anything contained herein before or hereinafter or in any other deed, deeds or instruments of whatever nature or kind to the contrary.""
***
2. A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession"
The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine"
The lawyer smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"
***
3. A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
""How much does it cost for engineer brain?""
""Three dollars an ounce.""
""How much does it cost for programmer brain?""
""Four dollars an ounce.""
""How much for lawyer brain?""
""$1,000 an ounce.""
""Why is lawyer brain so much more?""
""Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?""
***
4. A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, ""if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"" The lawyer answers, ""Absolutely.""
""Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.""
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
***
5. Said a lady to her friend, ""When we got our divorce we divided everything we had equally between us. Two children stayed with me, two went to my ex-husband.""
""What happened to the property?"" asked the friend.
""That was shared equally between his lawyer and mine.""
***
6. A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud ""THUMP"" and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, ""Where are you going, Father?"" ""I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road,"" replied the priest. ""No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."" The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud ""THUD"". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, ""I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."" ""That's okay"", replied the priest. ""I got him with the door!""
""If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?""
The student replied, ""Here is an orange.""
The professor was outraged. ""No! No! Think like a lawyer!""
Finally the professor replied, ""Okay, I tell you.
""I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, title, claim and advantages of and in, a fruit, popularly known as orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, notwithstanding anything contained herein before or hereinafter or in any other deed, deeds or instruments of whatever nature or kind to the contrary.""
***
2. A physician, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon announced, "Remember how God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve? Obviously, medicine is the oldest profession"
The engineer replied, "But before that, God created the heavens and the earth from chaos, in less than a week. You have to admit that was a remarkable feat of engineering, and that makes engineering an older profession than medicine"
The lawyer smirked, and said, "Who do you think created the chaos?"
***
3. A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
""How much does it cost for engineer brain?""
""Three dollars an ounce.""
""How much does it cost for programmer brain?""
""Four dollars an ounce.""
""How much for lawyer brain?""
""$1,000 an ounce.""
""Why is lawyer brain so much more?""
""Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?""
***
4. A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, ""if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"" The lawyer answers, ""Absolutely.""
""Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.""
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
***
5. Said a lady to her friend, ""When we got our divorce we divided everything we had equally between us. Two children stayed with me, two went to my ex-husband.""
""What happened to the property?"" asked the friend.
""That was shared equally between his lawyer and mine.""
***
6. A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud ""THUMP"" and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, ""Where are you going, Father?"" ""I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road,"" replied the priest. ""No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."" The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud ""THUD"". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, ""I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."" ""That's okay"", replied the priest. ""I got him with the door!""
0 comments:
Post a Comment